woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
