I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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