Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
