She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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