There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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