oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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