does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
