He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
only you would photoshop your dick
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Randomize
