my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
