remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
