at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
