Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
