so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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