i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
