I accidentally had phone sex last night
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
