Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
