i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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