its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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