i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
