a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am naked and annoyed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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