Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
