Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
