Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
