Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
