You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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