I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
