My balls are so social today.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
