I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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