That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
