If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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