if i died would you start the facebook group?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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