I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
