I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
