please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
