she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
