Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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