All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
