This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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