Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize