Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
