So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
