I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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