I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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