Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
