Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
