Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
