he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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