Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize