I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
