just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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