My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize