You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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