It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
