Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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