theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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