i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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