Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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