I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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