I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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