I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
