Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
