my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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