So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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