he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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