I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
