I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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