So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
