; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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