Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
